Thursday, August 6, 2009

Wait, you can do that!?

This is probably the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. Five minute cake.


4 Tablespoons cake flour
4 Tablespoons sugar
2 Tablespoons cocoa
1 Egg
3 Tablespoons milk
3 Tablespoons oil
1 Mug (or bowl)


Mix flour, sugar and cocoa:

Spoon in 1 egg

Pour in milk and oil, and mix well

Put in microwave for 3 minutes on maximum power (1000watt)

Wait until it stops rising and sets in the mug

Tip contents out of mug onto saucer and enjoy!

See the original at Dizzy Dee blog
I tried it and it works a lot better in a small bowl, and with some ready made frosting, I see obesity in my near future.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Laziness Taken to a Whole New Level

The future is here: introducing "Selfy the Easy Bed" a bed that makes itself. Brilliant inventor Enrico Berruti has made a career of catering to the niche market of extremely lazy people. Don't get me wrong, Selfy is a slothful masterpiece, but I'm afraid there's one small problem with his plan. Horrendously lazy people like myself are too lazy to make the bed, but our laziness also causes us to not really care about messy beds. Lazy people are very rarely neat freaks, because being neat takes some modicum of effort. Still this invention still has some value, just think of the tucking in capabilities.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Slow Motion Sneezes

0:00-0:57 mildly erotic
0:57-1:36 hilarious

Australia always has the best commercials

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Oliver the Humanzee

Oliver was caught in the rain forests of the Congo and sold to Frank and Janet Berger at the age of two. The Berger's had a dog, chimp, pony and pig act, and were regularly featured on the Ed Sullivan show. Oliver was shunned by the other chimps in the act because of his odd physical traits. His head was smaller than a normal chimpanzee's, he had less hair, a slightly less pronounced jaw, rounded ears, a unique scent, and he walked upright like a human. Oliver wasn't just different physically, but behaviorally as well.
"You could send him on chores. He would take the wheelbarrow and empty the hay and straw from the stalls. And when it was time to feed the dogs, he would get the pans, and mix the dog food for me. I'd get it ready and he'd mix it. This guy, Oliver, he enjoyed sitting down at night and having a drink, and watching television. He'd mix his own. He'd pour a shot of whiskey and put some Seven-Up in there, stir it and drink it,'' Janet Berger recalled.
Trouble came when Oliver reached maturity, he took... nevermind, I know who my readers are, you guys just want to see some fucked up humanzee pictures don't you.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Spiderman has a high failiure quotient

All superheroes all come with their share of fail, but it seems that there is much more spiderman failure going on than any other superhero

Thursday, July 9, 2009

South Korea vs USA: Cholesterol Showdown

Fast food was invented in America. The good ol US of A was ground zero for the global obesity craze. We were chunky before it was cool. The only problem is that America has the habit of becoming the best at something, and then resting on it's laurels. We've gotten lazy, and the rest of the world, especially Asia, is catching up by staying on the cutting edge of artery clogging technology. It seems like every day I see a new gastronomical monstrosity coming out of South Korea. Not only are they making breakthroughs in carboloading, they're also thinking up new, easier ways to eat. By making pizza into a cone form, it eliminates nearly all effort involved with eating, so that you don't burn any of its 2500 calories with constantly picking up and putting down the pizza on your plate. The South Korean fried food on a stick is lightyears ahead of our corndogs, and… well... just see for yourself.

Here's the pizza cone, strangely beautiful isn't it? And its all the rage in South Korea. This is the website, it's in korean, but as we all know grease transcends language... or at least it makes the language barrier all soggy and transparent.

Apparently South Korea is so far ahead of us in pizza innovation, that Korean Pizza Huts couldn't make enough money selling boring American pizza.
"Quick Murry, throw some shrimp on that shit, maybe they'll eat it then, or maybe bake a hotdog in, that sounds like something a Korean might like right?"

Whole Shrimp Cheese Bite

The Royal Crust Pizza

Triple Cheese Pizza
From Domino's, Three thin crust pizzas stacked with cheese between each layer

Shrimp Nude
From Mr. Pizza in Korea, its a pizza shaped like a bowl, so it can hold a puddle of cream cheese mousse

The Col-pop

I hate it when I'm eating chicken nuggets and I have to pick it up and put it in my mouth. THERE HAS TO BE A BETTER WAY, HELP ME SOUTH KOREA

This Korean fast food joint is bent on world domination, you'll be able to get one of these convenient bad boys in the US pretty soon

Korean Obesity on a Stick

Those are nice tries South Korea, the introduction of fried bacon covered in french fries on a stick almost won you the game, but our obesity MVP Jimmy Dean came though for us by creating this blasphemy

P.S. South Korea? You still there? Suck on this, USA USA USA

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Fountain of Doubt
Hilarious, incredibly NSFW comics, this is one of the only clean ones

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Creepy Human Faced Fish

Eyelids are the reason fish seem to always get the short end of the stick. Fish don't have eyelids, so they lack the ability to convey basic facial expressions that we recognize on other animals. When my pet goldfish died I didn't cry, because I felt like I didn't really know him that well. He was more of a piece of furniture than a friend. Hell, I even cried when my hamster died, and I only had him for a two weeks. I'd never be able to hunt for deer, because I don't know if I'd be able to kill something that gave me the sad scared dying eyes. On the other hand I've been fishing several times, and cheered while a fish suffocated, gasping for air unblinking and expressionless. It's not just fish that get screwed over, snakes don't have eyelids and everyone hates them, even the harmless ones. To add insult to injury, everyone loves dolphins and whales, with their smiling faces and blinking eyes. Same thing with turtles and lizards, they're very similar animals, the only real difference is eyelids=relatability=less often and less painful death. I need to stand up for the rights of the animals who not only cannot speak for themselves, but cannot even make angry eyes at being treated so unfairly. From now on, I'm only going to eat animals with eyelids. I'm the world's first blinkatarian. Thankfully there are some fish out there with some very human traits, maybe after you see these pictures you'll have some compassion for the eyelidless.

One more I just found, i though squid and octopus had beaks